Where to Begin!

It's not really that late tonight, but I can't sleep. My mind is racing with thoughts of how do we do this, what can we help with, and what will the outcome be? A week ago last Tuesday we found out that my mom has Uteran Cancer. She has been sick in and out of the hospital, and doctors appointments for the last 4 months. They thought that it was a thousand things but none of the medicine helped with her pain. They finally did a biopsy during one of her surgeries and found CANCER. They did a complete hysterectomy on Tuesday and took out 20 lymphnodes. They biopsied those and found out that 5 of them are cancerous. Because she got diagnosed with uteran cancer first, and then it was found in her lymphnodes it means that she has both kinds. in a month after she is healed and strong enough they will start Chemo and Radiation. My poor sweet mom, doesn't deserve this. She came home yesterday and then had to go right back up there really early today. She was throwing up and her heart was racing like crazy and wouldn't slow down. So she is now in the Cardiac ICU. They found a spot on her lung, her blood enzymes are high and one of her heart valves is enlarged. Unfortunately the news just keeps getting worse and worse.
To top all of this garbage with my mom, my grandma that we live with/take care of fell on Tuesday night and cut her head open. I had to take her to the E.R. and they had to put staples in her head. She came home that night not stable on her feet anymore and so we had to take stations at the end of her bed all night long. We have decided that we can not give her the 24 hour care that she needs anymore. IT is truly breaking my heart at the prospect that tomorrow we will take her to an Assisted living home and leave her there alone. I can't even fathom how any of us are going to walk away, knowing that with grandma's Alzheimers she will be so lost and so much more confused. I know that this post probably sounds pretty negative, and I don't mean to be a downer, but I need to write it to get it out of my head. Whenever I try to voice this it still doesn't feel any better, I don't know what to say.
I guess I am just mad that you always just feel like your mom will always be there. Then when there are major issues with them that you can't help and have no control over you feel like you have wasted so much time. I feel like I have totally under-appreciated my mom. She is such a wonderful example and teacher of so many things. She is kind and patient, and serves everyone around her. She has such a calm temperament, and just lets things go instead of picking a fight with people, because she would rather not upset people. She is wise and she has such a great testimony, and knowledge of the scriptures. I just hope that we get to have her here for a lot longer. We still need you mom. I love you more than words can say. XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

P.S. Thank you so much for all of the kind and caring people who have watched my kids, brought us dinner, prayed for my mom, called to check on me, cried with me, and understood that I just needed a listening ear and shoulder to cry on. And of course Red Mango, thanks Amanda. I have never felt so loved and blessed to live in our ward and have the friends that I have. I love you guys you are the best!